I am enjoying a sense of life happening in a way that feels at ease. I don’t mean that the sometimes randomness of the human experience isn’t happening to me like everyone else, but I am adapting more and more fluidly and with God as my source of … well, everything, I am enjoying this peace.
I had a few moments over the past month where I caught myself slipping into my typical mindset of having to figure things out. I have noticed that there are several projects that I haven’t worked on in a while, or I merely looked them over and considered them for brief periods of time. I know I can make a plan and get them completed if I want.
I haven’t done much of that as of now, though, because it feels forced. I also find this time of rumination useful.
Instead, I have been focused on learning new things and building out my Substack: The Evolving Story with my short stories, writing exercises, and other creative works. Please check it out and let me know what you think.
I suspect I will be writing my future books as serials on the platform as well. I sure do have lots of stories and poems bubbling up inside me. Hopefully, it won’t become too cluttered. 🙂
I have been a little off the rails the past few weeks. October took my comfy little routines, broke them, and ground their bits into the carpet for good measure.
I was actually okay with it. Lots of good things happened. Each weekend something was going on.
The first weekend, I helped my younger sister with a yard sale she was having. I took a few things I had to sell, made a few dollars, but got to talk to a lot of interesting people.
The second weekend was the Sweet Potato Festival in a nearby town. It got rained out, but it was fun. My husband and I bought a sweet potato pie and ate food truck goodies in my car. My older sister and I also spent a day cleaning out the building at our Mom’s house so we could have a family-friendly, small carnival on Halloween.
The third weekend was my birthday weekend, and I ended up doing a ton of organizing and recalibrating.
The fourth weekend, I went to the mountains in Maggie Valley with my two sisters to close up our camper for the winter.
The day before Halloween, my older sister and I baked cupcakes and finished organizing the building (my younger sister did a lot of the decorating since she lived closer). On Halloween, we had games and candy and a little hayride and a “spooky” trail walk for the kids. It was fun.
During the week, I began going to the chiropractor 2-3 times to sort out a slight twist in my hips that was causing one leg to be longer than the other. Otherwise, my spine looks great, and I think I’m near the end of the adjustments. Yay!
(And correction of the alignment of my body while other parts of my life are getting more in alignment with God didn’t escape my notice. Interesting, I’ve known one leg was longer than the other since 2012. It never bothered me, even when I went through BLET in 2020. A couple months ago I was doing a 5K, and I noticed a slight discomfort and had the thought that I should probably look into that while it was minor. I was talking to my mom about it and how I thought it had to do with one leg being longer than the other, and she said she had the same thing at one time, but she went to the chiropractor and got it all sorted. I’m very happy about it.)
November has felt a bit restless thus far and I keep finding myself trying to figure things out and make elaborate plans and structures around my creativity. These days, I know better to get caught up in all that. So, I went to God with it. I didn’t get any direction right away. I actually had the thought that maybe I would let all the writing go and shift into other creative forms. After all, the world is changing all the time.
I’m still not completely certain how everything will unfold, but I did get a clear directive to get back into learning, into playing, into exploring with curiosity.
Creative exercises are something that I have often loved to do. There’s no pressure for perfection. You can usually be as weird as you want, and that makes it more fun. I’ve used prompts for writing and art in the past. Some interesting things have come out of that. So, I added a section to my Substack: Story-cises
As I came to this conclusion, I remembered coming across an assignment from Fiction class when I was in college (30 years ago!) where we had to make up a short story based on a bunch of random details given to us by the professor. I dug it up and added it as my first post to set the tone of ridiculousness.
The story (I dubbed it “The Book of Joe” ended up being a parody of a man dying, going to heaven, and having a really bizarre time with God. It is an absolute caricature and meant to make (what I thought were) clever insertions of the required details but in a unusual comical, surrealistic way.
I posted it with a note about how it came to be and that was that.
Except, the day after I began to worry that some Christian readers might be offended or think that I was being disrespectful to God. I considered taking it down. I considered posting more articles to push it out of the forefront.
But, I didn’t. I recognized those thoughts were fearful and preying on my doubts. We’re not doing that anymore.
God created me to be creative and playful. I am pretty sure I am created in His image in that way.
I haven’t had any negative response from my story-cise, so those thoughts were likely moot, anyway. However, I had a thought about how I would feel and react if someone did question my Christianity based on what I wrote.
It’s something like this:
We are called to be fishers of men, but we may not be fishing for the same type. There are lots of silly, creative people like me with varied experiences that have taught us to find jokes and joy and laughter in all things. I am speaking to them. 🙂
My birthday is in October. It has become a time of self reflection and making plans for the upcoming year. This birthday felt a bit different, even though I still reflected and began planning. After all, I am in this space of allowing God’s will to guide my life and choices. I am also in a space of building discernment to only “hear the Shepherd.” That way, I can trust the nudges and guidance I receive.
What I am noticing is that as my path becomes clearer, I am able to let go of things that I thought would be a big part of my future work. And, I don’t even regret that. It doesn’t feel like loss. It feels like gathering my forces in a way that allows me to be stronger in what I do going forward.
Earlier this year, I was thinking of shifting my creative plans with the seasons, but then immediately got caught up in wanting to get things done because I felt a weird urgency about it. I’m starting to see that feeling as a red flag. It reminds me of all the training we had when working for the state about data security and email phishing attempts. Any time someone is trying to make you fearful or create a sense of urgency in a response, that is one of the main times you should really stop and look at the email to make sure things are legit. A feeling of urgency might get things done in certain situations (deadlines, etc.) but it is not how I want to operate in life.
I feel like my last few books were rushed because I thought the publishing and getting it out in the world was the goal. When I was reading through two of them recently to create audios, it was a little cringy. I wish I had taken more time in writing them better. I think the stories and structures are fine. I just wish the language and writing style were more polished.
These days I’m more in line with “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.”
Now that we are cruising our way through Fall, I find myself drawn back to the idea of creating by season. Right now, I am in a planning phase where I am creating outlines and preparing for the actual writing process that will start in December and continue over the winter months. I’m also creating some structures around all the various platforms and already-published books and such that I want (and need) to keep updated (even if just quarterly).
It really feels like I am building something that I can maintain in a confident, steadfast way. I like that.
It is shaping up to be a decent amount of work, but I don’t mind the toil. This is what I feel I was meant to do all along.
This past week has been fairly productive. I have recorded up to five chapters of “The Resurrection Incident.” I would likely be recording more today but my neighbor is having some trees trimmed and I don’t want to risk any of that background noise seeping into my audio.
That gave me a good reason to come to my blog and share a few updates on my journey. Everything feels like it going well and it seems like something new is emerging in my life – an unexpected, but fruitful path.
Something I have been working this past week are 2-page spreads for an illustrated version of my poem, “The Junkivore.”
When I say illustrated, I don’t mean that I am actually drawing characters or scenes. I thought that might be what I would do, but when I started to work on it, that seemed somewhat limiting. Instead, I ended up creating several surrealistic and abstract backgrounds that are evolving to, hopefully, reflect how the poem evolves as it goes along.
It has been a fun exercise in using various Procreate brushes and colors and effects. It also has me thinking about several other poems that I have in the works that I might want to do something similar with.
Other than that, I am enjoying taking care of the regular things of life – cooking new things, making small upgrades in our home, planning my garden, keeping my body active and strong.
In everything, a reaching and openness to God and His plan.
I have been quiet the past couple of weeks as I endeavor to make a practice of choosing God in each moment and determining what to do next. I was a little concerned that this seeming switch-up in future projects might confuse people. I also considered that some of my past writing might be encouraging or spreading “wrong” ideas because they stemmed from a confused understanding.
One thing I have noticed a lot lately is that many folks from various groups are becoming popular for sharing their testimonies and causing people in their groups to develop an interest in Jesus and God. I find it very uplifting and beautiful. It is almost as if God chose these people as ambassadors for their various tribes.
I wonder if that is what we (the folks that are getting nudged back to our Christian roots or discovering Christ for the first time-because there seems to be quite a bit of that at the moment) are now. Could our individual stories be what impacts those in our circle of similar-minded people?
I don’t feel particularly called to be an influencer on social media. And, while I have ideas for projects that are inline with my new mode of operation, I’m not going to disregard what I have already created. The type of people that enjoy my stories are my particular tribe and maybe they will be interested enough in my journey to take a peek at my personal writings here and decide to come along with me.
In the meantime, I am currently recording myself reading The Resurrection Incident and posting a chapter weekly on Substack, where I decided to share some of my creative works. My posts there go behind a paywall after eight months, but that is plenty of time for you to enjoy for free. You can also find the podcast of The Resurrection Incident chapters on:
