My birthday is in October. It has become a time of self reflection and making plans for the upcoming year. This birthday felt a bit different, even though I still reflected and began planning. After all, I am in this space of allowing God’s will to guide my life and choices. I am also in a space of building discernment to only “hear the Shepherd.” That way, I can trust the nudges and guidance I receive.
What I am noticing is that as my path becomes clearer, I am able to let go of things that I thought would be a big part of my future work. And, I don’t even regret that. It doesn’t feel like loss. It feels like gathering my forces in a way that allows me to be stronger in what I do going forward.
Earlier this year, I was thinking of shifting my creative plans with the seasons, but then immediately got caught up in wanting to get things done because I felt a weird urgency about it. I’m starting to see that feeling as a red flag. It reminds me of all the training we had when working for the state about data security and email phishing attempts. Any time someone is trying to make you fearful or create a sense of urgency in a response, that is one of the main times you should really stop and look at the email to make sure things are legit. A feeling of urgency might get things done in certain situations (deadlines, etc.) but it is not how I want to operate in life.
I feel like my last few books were rushed because I thought the publishing and getting it out in the world was the goal. When I was reading through two of them recently to create audios, it was a little cringy. I wish I had taken more time in writing them better. I think the stories and structures are fine. I just wish the language and writing style were more polished.
These days I’m more in line with “slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.”
Now that we are cruising our way through Fall, I find myself drawn back to the idea of creating by season. Right now, I am in a planning phase where I am creating outlines and preparing for the actual writing process that will start in December and continue over the winter months. I’m also creating some structures around all the various platforms and already-published books and such that I want (and need) to keep updated (even if just quarterly).
It really feels like I am building something that I can maintain in a confident, steadfast way. I like that.
It is shaping up to be a decent amount of work, but I don’t mind the toil. This is what I feel I was meant to do all along.