I’ve had a deep fascination with the supernatural and paranormal since childhood. A good ghost story? Always my jam. And over the years, I’ve had a few strange experiences of my own.
One of those real-life encounters inspired my short story Darker than the Night—first published in the July 2007 issue of The School Magazine. It was the opening story for that edition, and the cover art was even inspired by it.
But the story itself? That was sparked one night by a trip to a haunted church.
How It Started
I was in in college. Two friends (a guy we’ll call J and a girl we’ll call V) invited me to go to the beach to visit a “haunted” church. Too much time has passed for me to accurately recall the story about the church. I seem to remember that someone had burned the church down twice and possibly that one or more persons had died in the fire – I can’t be sure about those details, though. What I can be sure of is what happened when we went there.
To get to the church, we drove down a long road that didn’t have much else on it. This gave me a sense of being out in the middle of nowhere when we pulled alongside the road and parked. The church had a fence around it and we had to walk around to a place where the chain links had been pulled away from the posts and we could crawl through.
I was apprehensive about the whole thing. I never liked doing things that could get me in trouble and trespassing on the church property made me very uncomfortable. I went along, though. I also knew that I wanted to have unusual experiences and I figured it would make a cool story.
The bell tower of the church was still standing, but without a bell. The openings on the bell tower were large and you could see the moonlight through it easily. Several walls were also intact. We walked around the remains of the church. V kept saying that she felt hands touching her. Not being able to verify this in any way, I was a bit skeptical.
As we walked about and talked, we came across what I can best describe as a shadow-wall. I’m not sure how to describe this adequately except that one of the broken pieces of wall extended out into a 3-dimensional wall-shaped shadow. It was as if the wall had a shadow extension. I walked around it, looking at it and the surroundings from different angles to determine what could be causing it. J put his hand in it. I felt that was not a good idea.
The Descent
About that time, V said that she could see some dark shape circling the bell tower. We hung around for a bit longer, talking about the shadow wall and what had happened at the church and why it might be haunted. Somewhat suddenly, V said that we needed to go.
The three of us hurried across the property and squeezed our way out through the fence. When we got to the car, V told us that the thing that was circling the tower was starting to crawl down. The thought of that freaked me out a bit. I was in the back seat of the car as we drove away and I remember looking back at the tower as we left.
The openings in the tower were impossibly dark based on the size of the openings and the moonlight that should have been shining through.
The experience left quite an impression. And if you’ve read the story, you know how this inspired it.
Want to Read the Story?
You can grab Darker than the Night as a free download when you join my newsletter. It’s a creepy little short for fans of weird fiction, ghost stories, and real-life chills.
Well, eek! I missed my Tuesday posting this week. I thought I had something scheduled to post and I did not. It works out well, however, as I had a little adventure on Monday to share.
The Invitation
I received an email in August from Isha Foundation, letting me know that Sadhguru would be at the Isha Institute of Inner-sciences in Tennessee on September 23, 2024. I was immediately excited because Tennessee isn’t terribly far and having an opportunity to see Sadhguru in person seemed like a special treat that I might not have access to very often. The email stated that they would send out information about registering when details were available.
I began thinking about going and how to make it work. I spoke to my husband and he thought it would be cool for me to go. We looked at the distance and how long it would take to get to the Isha Institute in TN.
I had two routes.
One was an 8-hour drive that took me through Atlanta, GA. That wasn’t very appealing. (If you have ever driven in Atlanta traffic, you understand why.)
The other route took me through NC—which just so happened to take me through Maggie Valley, where my sisters and I co-own a camper we inherited from our grandmother.
The route through NC would take nearly 8 hours as well, but I could easily break it in half by leaving the day before, resting overnight at the camper, and then leaving early the next morning. This not only seemed doable, but ideal. So, I just had to wait for registration to open.
In the meantime, I watched a vlog to get a feel for what to expect when I got there. It all looked awesome. The certainty of going was forming, but I was also busy with projects and attempting to meet my deadlines and such.
Doubt Creeps In
When I received the registration email, I began to question whether I had time to make the trip.
Was it really necessary to see Sadhguru in person? My husband and I would have to figure out dog care. I would be going by myself and I have a history of falling asleep at the wheel if I am too tired – and I might get to that point since the event would last until 8 PM CST and I would still have to drive the 4 hours back to the camper. On and on, the reasons came to make me question myself. I was really close to not going.
I talked to my husband about it and my concerns. He reminded me how excited I had been when I learned about the opportunity. We talked through various possibilities, including me flying out instead of driving, but that just seemed like an over-complication of things.
Thankfully, I eventually realized that the life I am creating for myself had the freedom to do things like go see Sadhguru.
I registered, paid for two meals to eat there since I would be spending the entire day at the event. Everything else fell into place. My mom would come over to take care of Ridley (her grand-pupper) in the afternoon.
I felt very relaxed and calm Sunday before I left around 3 PM. The drive to Maggie Valley, NC, was smooth. I listened to an awesome podcast all the way there and enjoyed the feel of freedom and possibility that was unfolding around me. Breaking out of my routine felt like it was opening me up.
Ideas were flowing and I was getting excited about getting back to work after the event and putting these ideas into practice.
Arriving at Isha: A Day of Stillness and Surprise
Monday morning I woke up at 4 AM, completed my Shambhavi Mahamudra, showered, ate a light snack for breakfast, tanked up the car, and drove the 4 hours to McMinnville, TN.
My Day at Isha Institute of Inner-sciences:
Entering the Abode
I entered the Abode and sat on an available cushion and meditated with the others there. You could come and go as you wished. The Abode was filled with light incense and rhythmic chanting/singing. As I sat there, cross-legged and eyes closed, I wondered if I really belonged there. I had the thought that everyone around me was probably more in tune with themselves and better meditators. I let that idea go and just committed myself to staying there and enjoying the experience. When I finally left, I felt a stillness that I hadn’t noticed when I was sitting but became apparent when I was back in a crowd of people.
Silent Brunch
When I left the Abode, it was time for brunch, the first meal that I had purchased for the day. They had sliced cucumbers, a delicious soup, an apple, and some sort of thick pudding that was sweet and spicy at the same time. The meal was eaten in silence. I loved it.
Bluff Views and Cozy Conversations
I had a lot of time before any other events were happening, so I went for a walk to the bluffs. It was a decent incline to get to the top, but not too bad. I did have on a light long-sleeved shirt, though, and I began to feel quite warm. When I came down from the bluffs (it was a very pretty view), I found a spot to sit in the shade.
I took out a notebook and pen I had brought and made some notes about ideas I had and plans to implement. I didn’t do this for very long, though, because I felt drawn to just be present where I was and not get pulled back into my normal thinking. I had a wonderful conversation with someone who sat near me.
We talked for quite a while about a variety of inner-beingness topics. I feel terrible that I talked to her for so long and did not even get her name. I was quite inspired by her joyous nature and what she shared with me of her journey.
The Wait for Sadhguru
I decided to leave the safety of the shade to claim a spot in the garden where Sadhguru would be speaking from 6PM-8PM. It was still only 3:30PM at that time and I was tired, so I spent this time in a mix of resting and chatting occasionally with the people around me.
Darshan: A Presence Felt
When Sadhguru showed up, the change in the energy of the crowd was palpable.
Truly, I was almost more transfixed on what was going on with them than on his arrival – which I had to watch on a screen because we were sitting on a grassy hill and the people in front of me were standing and he wasn’t visible to me otherwise.
Several people began crying.
As everything settled, we all sat in silence for a while before he spoke. We were then inspired by the words of Sadhguru for 2.5 hours and, afterwards, he walked around the crowd with palms together as if blessing us all – adding in an occasional dance.
Boiling the experience down to that sentence seems such a disservice, yet how to really capture it even with many, many words?
What I Came Away With
Something that came up in the conversation I had while sitting in the shade was that there are several people in India that have achieved Enlightenment. However, most of them don’t try to share that with the world – their focus is on their own journey. And that’s fine. What is remarkable about Sadhguru is not only has he shared that possibility with us all, but the extent of it is incredible.
What is being created in McMinnville, TN, is a conscious city. He has already created something similar in India. The intent is that the people there are actively working at living a full-fledge life – something that should probably be natural to us, but we are mired in distraction and illusion.
One of the things Sadhguru said was that it is important for people, especially the next generation, to know that this sort of place exists and is possible. I am grateful that the foundation he has created is doing this work. There is a different feel to a place when the people around you are engaging in their own inner work. I certainly experienced it during my day at the Institute of Inner-sciences.
It’s not perfect, but in that reaching for who we truly are there is less space to get entangled in what we are not.
When I tell people who know me now that I am an introvert, I get some funny looks. If I pause to think of it, even I am amazed at the transformation I have gone through over the years. And while I may be more talkative and engaged with people now, I still consider myself an introvert. Being alone is my normal. It is how I recharge. Spending time with my husband is the beautiful exception to this.
Growing Up Quiet
I am grateful to be an introvert. All the years that I spent cautiously watching the world around me was worth it, even though I remember feeling like I didn’t belong anywhere.
In a lot of ways, I think introverts have potential to change the world in powerful ways. I feel that we are often more compassionate because of how we internalize things – it strengthens our ability to empathize with others.
Unfortunately, I think I lot of us get distracted by a world that may make us feel that something must be wrong with us if we don’t fit in.
A Breakthrough Question
One of the biggest breakthroughs I had was in the Landmark Forum where I uncovered the question that was operating in the background of my life: What is wrong with me?
It seems obvious now. That question was a filter over everything that happened in my life and I was always trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. Uncovering it was powerful because once I realized the question was distorting my view of things, I could catch it when it popped into my mind and not let it run the show. I could give the power back to my consciousness and not let the psychological auto-program run amok.
Teenage Journals and Quiet Counseling
Of course, I didn’t have that knowledge when I was a teenager. My journals from that time are painful to read as I can see how much I was struggling with feeling out of place in the world. I had a natural distrust of people, even friends, because I saw how they talked about each other and treated each other. I wrote in my journals and didn’t share much with anyone.
When I was in the ninth grade, I was sent to the guidance counselor’s office. It turns out that one of my teachers was concerned because I was very quiet in class. She thought that maybe something bad was going on in my home life. I can appreciate that the teacher cared and that if something had been going on, it may have helped me in some way, however, that was not the case so it was just awkward. After the one visit, I didn’t have to go back. Guess I was normal enough.
My quietness back then didn’t come from anything that anyone was doing to me. It was caution. I was afraid to interact with the world too deeply. Afraid that it would hurt me as I had seen it do to others.
Becoming More
My view of the world has changed drastically since that time.
Something within me always knew that I was meant to do more and so I have kept pushing myself. I have a vision of who I am. I enjoy people and their stories. I look for and find the good in so many things. I am grateful and excited to be alive.
My hope is that everyone can find this place within themselves.
This past weekend I received the transmission of Shambhavi Mahamudra Kriya through Sadhguru and The Isha Institute. I’m not sure what I was expecting to get from it. Perhaps I hoped to be more focused or clear of mind. What I got that surprised me is a sense of peace and the feel of time slowing down around me.
When we are present in each moment, there is joy in being alive and the possibility that creates.
I find it amusing that as I take on stories to write that I begin to see similar lessons or challenges in my own life. My characters and I work through our issues in tandem. It’s the same with Goddess Game. Bethany, the main character, has taken the safe path her entire life. She’s not particularly unhappy, but bored and wishing her life was more. Of course, to make that leap, she has to do the internal work she has been avoiding.
In that respect, Bethany and I are different. I haven’t avoided the internal work. I was just making it so much harder than it needed to be.
I mentioned in a previous post (Evolving Backwards) that in 2012, I transitioned from freelancing to a job that provided a steady paycheck. This allowed me to take control of my life in a way that I hadn’t experienced before. The last time I had been single and working was when I was in college. Now I was single and, other than work, my time was my own. It was quite wonderful. I love learning new things and began qigong and reading more.
When I left South Carolina in 2009, I was a raw foodist. I stopped that lifestyle as it was a lot of work for me at the time and I had lost a great deal of muscle mass. While my mental clarity was amazing, I didn’t feel balanced and so began consuming cooked food again. In 2012, I decided to explore the idea of some sort of fusion between a cooked diet and a raw food diet. Perhaps I could find a middle ground that supported my mental awareness and my need to feel like I could carry my groceries. 😊
Delving back into the raw food world of things, I found out that there was going to be a raw food retreat in Arizona on my birthday in October. In my newfound freedom, I decided that I wanted to go.
A Birthday Trip to the Middle of Nowhere
Did it matter that I didn’t know anyone there? Did it matter that this was essentially a camping trip and I would have to take all my gear with me on the plane ride? Did it matter that I had only flown once before and that I had been with someone who had flown often to guide me along the way?
Nope. I was ready for adventure!
I purchased my ticket to the event. I then bought a small tent, a rucksack, and made my checklist for supplies. I managed to pack everything I needed into the rucksack. When the weekend came, I had a friend drop me off at the airport and I was on my way. I made it to Arizona and met up with others on the way to the event. We all boarded a van to be bussed out to the middle of nowhere. We got there, I put up my tent, and had a great time being by myself while being with others.
A couple of things about the event: It was hosted at a hot springs – bathing suits were optional. Outside of soaking, there were vendors and speakers. The two speakers were David Wolfe and David Wilcock. I hadn’t come across David Wilcock before the event, but I was definitely interested in the types of topics he covered.
One of the things that came up over the weekend was past life regression. I don’t remember how it came up, but it reminded me that it was something I wanted to explore. After the event, I came home and found a local hypnotherapist that also offered past life regressions. I admit I was a little skeptical about what might happen during the regression. I was also worried that it might not work on me.
The Doorway to Something… Very Blue
If I remember correctly, the process took a couple of hours. I do remember when the hypnotherapist guided me back to my most current birth. I didn’t see anything. Again, I was worried that it wasn’t working, but then it occurred to me that my most current birth had been pretty traumatic for me and my mom and that I probably was blocking that out. I mentioned that and we moved on. Part of the process was the hypnotherapist leading me down a hallway with multiple doors and I chose one to enter. This doorway would take me to a past life that was relevant to me in my current life.
A funny thing… My hypnotherapist was recording the regression so that he could send it to me afterwards and I would have it to listen to again if I ever wanted to. What I found out later was that when he went to prepare the recording to send to me, he found that the recording had shut off. When he called to tell me, he said it a little eerie because it stopped the moment I opened the door in this process. He didn’t have a back-up recorder going so all I have to go on are my “memories” of what I saw and the notes that he was taking that he typed up and sent to me.
Now what did I see when I went through that door?
It still amuses me. I don’t know what I was expecting, but when I went through the door, he had me look down at my feet and describe what I saw. I remember hesitating and almost laughing.
“That’s not human,” I finally said.
The feet I was looking down at appeared birdlike. They didn’t look like skinny chicken feet or anything, it was more like two thick toes and a back-claw. Weird, huh?
The hypnotherapist took me through different parts of this bird-person’s life.
Her name was Ahna. In the first scene, Ahna was wearing something like a flowing dress made of layers of light fabric and had a hat that resembled what you see on the bust of Nefertiti, but much, much bigger. She was blue and thin. Her face was flattish where her nose holes were and her eyes were larger than they would have been on a human face. Other than that, she appeared to have a body similarly-shaped to a human. I don’t remember anything particular about the hands. In the second scene, though, she was not wearing the dress or the hat and I could see what the hat had been covering, which was a shock of blue feathers that grew upwards and back sort of like a Native American headdress.
Over the years, I have tried to sketch out what she looked like and I have never been particularly happy about what I created.
From Regression to Resurrection (of a Character)
I had a need for a special character in my recent book, “Sentenced”, and Ahna seemed like a good fit. I decided to give drawing her one more go, but in a style that would mirror the playful and unusual nature of the book. This is what I came up with:
She’s cool.
(For those of you wondering if I wore a bathing suit or not in the hot springs…stop being nosy! 😄)
